So Close to a Heart
by Storm Elf
Summary: Without him, Axel is violent and uncontrolable, causing more distruction than he is worth. How is it that Roxas's very presence can calm him so much, and why does Xemnas even care? Axel and Roxas romance
1. Chapter 1

**Hello. Yet again I am returning to this site. **

Axel leaned heavily on a pillar on the upper level of the spar arena as he watched Roxas fight with Demyx. Although he had not been with them very long, only about three months, since Roxas joined them but he was already proving to be a valuable member in more ways than one. He was strong, there was no denying that. He could beat Demyx and his water forms with ease. He could even give Axel a run for his money, but there was more than that. Even Marluxia, who Axel swore was half retarded, had noticed a change in Axel's behavior since Roxas showed up.

Before, Axel had been terrible. He had flown into fits of rage, burning everything around him. Now he was more calm, rarely losing control. There were instances when Roxas would leave that Axel would slip back into his old ways, but they ended as soon as Roxas returned.

"Are you enjoying the fight?" Xemnas asked, startling Axel, who had not known that the Nobody was behind him.

"Yeah, I always like watching Demyx get beat on," He said, turning to look at his superior, "It's relaxing."

"It wouldn't have anything to do with who is fighting, would it?" Xemnas asked, examining Axel's face and body closely only to be disappointed when the pyro simply shrugged.

The fight, as well as the conversation between the pair, ended abruptly as one of Demyx's sitar strings snapped, thus making him unable to fight. Roxas didn't say anything, he just turned and walked away, going up the stairs to meet up with Axel. Xemnas watched them walk off to unknown parts.

"Demyx!" the superior barked without looking at the defeated nobody, "If that had been an actual battle you would be dead by now. Fix the problem and don't let it happen again."

"Yes sir," Demyx said quietly, hurrying out of the spar room.

In another part of the castle, Axel and Roxas wandered through the halls on their way to their favorite spot, the highest balcony looking out of The World That Never Was. As they walked, Axel kept thinking about what Xemnas had said. It was not unusual for their superior not to make sense, but this one was more strange than usual.

"What's wrong?" Roxas asked as they reached their normal spot.

"Its just something that Xemnas said, nothing important." Axel muttered, leaning out over the railing to look at the city. "So, we should have the rest of the day off. What do you feel like doing?"

"There isn't much that we are allowed to do, remember? We were confined to the castle." Roxas groaned, taking a seat on the edge of the balcony with his legs dangling over the side.

"Oh yeah," Axel smiled some, remembering what they had done. It was an accident, but it was still fun. He hadn't seen Marluxia that mad since they had singed his favorite plant. That, unfortunately, had not been an accident and the pink haired nobody never fully forgave him.

"How about we just stay here for a while." Roxas yawned, leaning on Axel's leg.

"Okay," Axel agreed softly, lowering himself down so that he was sitting as well. Roxas shifted positions, resting his head on Axel's shoulder. If it had been anyone else, the pyro would have burnt them beyond recognition, but this was not anyone else, it was Roxas.

They stayed like that for some time, watching the heart shaped moon rise up over the horizon. It was not the first time that they had watched the moon come up together, but it was the first time that Roxas had leaned on him like that. Somehow, it felt right. He never wanted it to end.

"Hey, Roxas," Axel said after a while, feeling as though there was something he needed to say. "Roxas?"

Axel turned and looked down at the Nobody next to him. His blue eyes, the color of the ocean on a sunny day, were closed. He had fallen asleep on him. He laughed a little, smoothing some of Roxa's hair down. It was so comforting, but he couldn't explain it.

"Roxas," He whispered, shaking his shoulder, "You have to wake up."

Roxas muttered something and snuggled in closer to Axel's warm body. The pyro sighed and put his arms around the smaller Nobody. He had forgotten that when Roxas fell asleep you had a better chance of waking the dead than waking him. He might as well get comfortable because he was spending the night outside. Leaning back, he positioned Roxas's head over where his heart should have been. He could carry Roxas if he needed to, but it was a nice night and the moon was beautiful.

By the time he fell asleep, Axel had forgotten everything that happened that day, save for how good Roxas felt leaning against him. Everything else just didn't matter.

The next morning the bright sun seemed to rise early, making it impossible for Axel to stay asleep. He wondered how he had gotten out here and just what this weight was on his chest. Slowly, the previous night's events played through his head.

"Roxas, get your ass up! Its breakfast time and I'm hungry!" Axel shook Roxas's shoulder as hard as he dared.

"What happened?" Roxas asked, the world coming into focus, "Why am I outside?"

"Because you fell asleep on my shoulder, now lets go get food." He grumbled.

As Axel tried to move he realized that sleeping on a cold marble floor was not good for you back. Everything ached as he got up, making him jealous of Roxas. He had the luxury of having a warm, comfortable, living pillow. The younger Nobody was in absolutely no pain at all. It made him want to hit him, but he didn't say a word as Roxas offered to help him up.

"Look who is here," Saix said as the pair walked into the dining room and taking their places at the table.

"Can it, freak." Axel hissed. Everyone knew that you didn't mess with Axel in the morning, but Saix had never been one to catch on too quickly and still taunted him.

"I was wondering when you were going to show up." Marluxia smiled evilly, "Xemnas said that you have to help repair the damage you caused."

"Go fuck yourself with a rose or something, I have better things to do than play in the dirt."

"He said that you have to." Marluxia shouted, grabbing at a plate of eggs that was getting passed around.

"He can go fuck himself too then!" Axel growled, pouring himself something to drink, "Besides, do you really want me anywhere near that garden of yours?"

"If you hurt one leaf, you are stuck doing all of the dirty work for a month, superior's orders."

"Screw this!" Axel shouted, throwing his hands in the air and standing up from the table. All he wanted to do was eat, but the morons around him wouldn't even let him do that without making a scene.

Roxas just sighed and picked up two plates, piling each one with food before leaving. This was not the first time that Axel had stormed out from breakfast and there was a good chance that it wouldn't be the last.

"It was a fucking accident for once!" Axel yelled as soon as he saw Roxas. "I didn't mean to burn the damn plant, I was aiming at Zaldin's head and he moved! I just get so tired of this shit sometimes."

"I know, I know." Roxas said softly, handing the food to his friend.

They ate together, as they had done so many times before, unaware that they were being watched.

**Just so we are clear. I am a collage student and i work two jobs. updates may not come quickly. truth be told, they may not come at all. I do like this story, at least the plans I have for it in my head , but that doest promise that I will indeed update. If you want me to update it, review so that I know it. I'm not saying that yes, I will definatly update if people review it, BUT the way that I look at is if very few people review, not many people would care if I stopped updating. I'm more likely to continue the story if I know that a bunch of people want me to update it. Review or don't, your choice.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, the first update didnt take as long as I had expected it to. Hopefully this is a good sign.**

After they finished breakfast, Axel and Roxas sat in the hallway for a little bit longer, unwilling to get up just yet. They didn't really say anything, they just sat there, enjoying the silence.

"Roxas," Xemnas said as he turned the corner, reaching their hide away, "I have a mission for you."

"Can I help him with it?" Axel offered.

This made Xemnas pause. Axel always complained when he was forced to go on a mission, why would he suddenly change his mind now and want to go on one. "You, if I am not mistaken, have to help fix the damage that you did to Marluxia's rose bush."

Axel's shoulders dropped. He had hoped that Xemnas would allow him to accompany Roxas. Not only would it have gotten him out of garden duty, but it would have allowed him to stay closer to Roxas. It hadn't bothered him before, but now he hated to be away from the younger nobody, though he could not explain it.

"Roxas. Go shower and get ready for the mission. You can find me in my office when you finish, I'll give you the details there." Xemnas said before turning to leave, intrigued by Axel's reactions.

"Yes sir," Roxas said with a certain amount of distain.

Axel let out a deep sigh and hung his head slightly as he turned towards the gardens. There was no reason to shower before he worked with dirt. He dragged his feet, trying his best to stall the inevitable. This was not the first time he had been forced to help Marluxia in the garden. Every time he burned anything near his precious garden, Marluxia flipped out and complained until he fixed it. For that reason, he didn't burn it to the ground.

By the time he got outside Marluxia was already waiting for him, garden supplies spread out in front of him. The pink loving Nobody was tapping his foot impatiently, glaring at him from the moment Axel walked out of the door.

"Just be glad I even showed up." Axel growled, standing in front of Marluxia and looking down at the garden tools.

"First off, take these and cut off all of the burnt stuff." Marluxia ordered, shoving clippers into Axel's hands. The red haired Nobody grumbled, not bothering to form words. The clippers were cold and wet from being set down in the grass, still fresh with morning dew. He knew that Marluxia had done that specifically because he hated wetness, one of the reasons he never got along well with Demyx. It made sense. His element was fire, fire and water had never mixed well.

"What next, master?" He asked, the sarcasm dripping from his voice. He had trimmed the burn branches, tied the roses to the stupid looking arch that they were supposed to be crawling up naturally, and watered them.

"Well, the tulips need some care."

"I wasn't anywhere near the god damned tulips! You can fix those yourself!" Axel shouted, hurling the clippers straight at Marluxia's chest. To his dismay, Marluxia smacked them out of the air before they could hit their target.

As he stalked off, Marluxia stayed there, picking up the gardening equipment and heading towards his shed. Xaldin, who had come to watch Axel suffer, was leaning on it casually.

"What's with him? He seems like he's worse than usual." He asked, opening the shed so that Marluxia could put his tools away.

"Xemnas sent Roxas off on a mission, and you know how Axel gets when he isn't around." Marluxia said from inside the shed, trying to find the places where everything went.

"So you decided to antagonize him now?" Xaldin asked, breaking his usual calmness, "You aren't turning suicidal, are you?"

"No, Xemnas was near by, watching him. If Axel had tried something, Xemnas would have stopped him." He said, making a mental note to organize the wreck that Saix swore was a tool shed.

"He has been doing that a lot, hasn't he?" the dark haired Nobody said, moving into the shed to try to help his friend. "I wonder what he is up to."

"No idea. I don't even try to understand him anymore, let alone Roxas or Axel. They're all nuts as far as I'm concerned."

Axel continued to storm around the castle, wishing that he could find something to do. Everything that he enjoyed, save for tormenting Demyx, involved Roxas, and even torturing the water-headed Nobody wasn't much fun without someone to laugh with. He told himself that Roxas couldn't possibly be gone too long. Xemnas hadn't sent Roxas out on a long mission in over a month and Axel doubted that he would ever do it again. By the time Roxas returned, half of the castle had scorch marks on it.

He wasn't sure why he lost it when Roxas wasn't around. At first he had just blamed it on the fact that he didn't have anything to do, which made him angry. Also, the more cowardly Nobodies, which included everyone except for Saix and Xaldin, decided that it was a good idea to bug him when Roxas was not around, making him even more angry. They knew that he was more likey to show off his new methods of inflicing pain if he had an audience. Marluxia, on the other hand, just loved to bug Axel when he was already in a bad mood. For Axel, this was proof enough that the flower-brained Nobody was indeed half retarded or possibly suicidal. Even Demyx, who had learned more than once that it was better to stay out of Axel's way, would harass him as soon as Roxas left. Axel swore that the moment Roxas left, the IQ of everyone else in the castle took a dramatic downturn.

But now, Axel was starting to think that it didn't have anything to do with boredom or people harassing him. It was something different, something more difficult to explain. When Roxas was around he just felt, well, different. When Roxas left he felt like he was missing something important, but he could not put a finger on what it could be. A partner in crime? No, he had worked solo before, causing mayhem as he pleased. Doing it alone again wouldn't bother him. A friend? Impossible. He knew that Roxas would return, thus he wasn't losing him at all. A lover?

Axel stood in the middle of the hallway and laughed out loud, gaining a few confused looks from Xigbar. The very though of a Nobody being able to love was so ridiculous that it wasn't even worth contemplating, he had enough things to worry about without thinking about such nonsense. He just shook his head and walked away, not bothering to explain himself to the worried Nobody watching him with suspicion.

By the time he reached his room he was glad that he did. He was already starting to feel a little bit of anger well up inside of him, the kind that came when Roxas was not around. He had never told his friend about this, he thought that it would be better if he didn't know. Pushing those thoughts, as well as the anger, aside, he went to his dresser and started searching through clothes as though he thought he might find something other than a jet black robe.

When he had first joined the organization, he had loved the color black. Now, after being forced to wear it for longer than he had ever imagined, he hated it. Yes, it looked good on him, it complemented his hair very nicely, but he was tired of seeing it, as evident by his room. When he had first joined, everything was either white or black. Now the only black on the walls was the burn marks from the last time he had gotten angry. Everything else was red, orange, or yellow, with a few hints of brown here and there. His walls were a dark red, offset by the light cream of his curtains that hid the only window in his room. The one time he allowed Demyx in here, the moron had said that it looked like the circus had come to town.

Axel shook his head, trying not to think about things that angered him. A shower was exactly what he needed to clear his head. With his new clothes already laid out on his bed, he headed towards the door on the opposite side of the room. His bathroom, like his room, had previously been black and white but was now decorated using the same warm colors as his room. He turned on the shower and waited for it to warm up. He abandoned his robes, throwing them down a chute to the laundry room where the Dusks would clean them.

After taking a deep breath, he stepped into the stream of water, hissing as the hot liquid splattered on his skin. It was burning hot, the only way that he could stand water touching his skin. The hot droplets calmed him for a moment, forcing him to focus on that rather than the emptiness inside of himself.

He stayed in there for as long as he dared, thinking of anything except Roxas's absence from the castle.

**...there, the joke at the end is gone because someone didnt like it...**


	3. Chapter 3

Roxas had still not returned when Axel went to bed. He sighed deeply, wishing to be anywhere else than in the castle. It just felt cold and empty that night, making him shiver despite the warmth of the room. He had almost fallen asleep when he heard the door open and close. A smile came to his face as he realized that there was only one person who would dare enter his room without knocking.

"Roxas?" he asked without opening his eyes.

"Yeah," The smaller nobody said softly.

"Come on over here." Axel muttered, patting the bed next to him. He wanted to see Roxas, wanted to talk to him, but he was too tired to get out of bed. He was actually surprised when he felt the bed dip down on one side as Roxas climbed in. His shock lessened though as Roxas slipped under the covers, laying as close to Roxas as he could, even though the bed was large enough that three people could sleep in it and not touch. If they had not been nobodies, Axel would have looked at this situation much differently, but he assured himself that, since neither of them could love, it was completely innocent.

"I heard that you just about killed Marluxia today." Roxas said softly, laying his head next to Axel's. "What happened?"

"The guy exaggerates too much, you know that. I threw something at him." Axel mumbled, not mentioning that it had been a sharp pair of shears and had been aimed directly where Marluxia's heart should have been.

"Demyx told me." Roxas corrected.

"He's a liar, don't trust a word of the filth that spills from his mouth." Axel yawned, starting to get too tired to carry on a conversation. He wanted to sleep, but at the same time he wanted to stay awake to be with Roxas, a dilemma he had never been faced with before.

"Hey, Axel," Roxas said after a long pause, "What are we?"

"Nobodies, creatures without hearts or emotions, you know that." Axel said simply, not understanding the question.

"No, not like that. Just the two of us." Roxas shifted, leaning on one elbow and looking down at Axel.

"I don't know." He answered truthfully, "Every time I try to think about it…"

"You just end up realizing that it is impossible, right?" Roxas finished his sentence, "Nobodies cant get emotionally attached to anyone, we don't have emotions."

"But if we cant feel, then why does it feel so good to be close to you?" Axel wondered aloud, reaching his hand up and touching Roxas's cheek. The younger nobody leaned into Axel's touch, moving closer to the nobody's face. They both knew that they were about to take a big step, a step that neither of them were prepared for.

"I should probably go to bed," Roxas said at the last moment, preventing anything from happening. Axel wasn't sure if he should be disappointed or relieved. He had wanted to kiss Roxas so bad, even though he knew that it was wrong on so many different levels. They were incapable of feeling, pretending that they were in love could only lead to pain for both of them, particularly if anyone else found out about it.

"Good night," Axel said to the closed door, knowing that by then Roxas was long gone. Tomorrow he would do something about this. He would get to the bottom of what was going on, even if it meant asking Xemnas for help. That nobody knew more about them than anyone else, he would be able to tell Axel what was wrong and how to fix it.

The next day, Axel found himself standing in Xemnas's office, waiting for him to show up. The superior didn't even know to expect him, but Axel couldn't wait any longer. He needed answers to questions that he was afraid to ask. He was feeling things that he knew that he should not have been able to feel.

"Axel, what are you doing here?" Xemnas asked, his eyes full of suspicion. It was common knowledge that Axel hated being in Xemnas's office, it usually only happened because he had gotten in trouble. No one would ever expect him to go there voluntarily.

"I want to ask you a few questions," Axel admitted, kicking at the black rug that covered some of the white tile floor, renewing his hatred for the two colors.

"About what?" The superior asked, moving over to his desk and sitting down, motioning for Axel to sit as well. The younger nobody refused, preferring to stand incase he lost his nerve and had to make a bolt for the door.

"Well, about hearts and Nobodies," Axel murmured so quietly that Xemnas was not even sure that he had heard him correctly, "And what things we can feel."

"This is about Roxas, correct?" Xemnas asked, pretending to know exactly what was going on.

"When I'm around him, I'm alright. When I'm not around him, even when he is still in the castle, I cant stop thinking about him. Without him I don't feel complete." Axel plopped down in the chair that he had avoided before, the thin layer of cushion wrapped around him as though it were giving him a hug.

"Axel, you are not complete to begin with. You don't have a heart."

"I know, but it doesn't feel like that when I am around him!" Axel shouted, standing up out of the chair and pacing small circles around the room, "I just want to know what is wrong with me? Why can I feel things? Answer me damn it!"

Axel slammed his hands down on the desk, almost succeeding in making Xemnas jump. While the superior was distracted by the sudden invasion of his personal space, Axel stole a glance on what was on his desk. One file caught his attention. It had his and Roxas' name on the top and was thick with papers.

"Perhaps you do not feel these things, you just imagine that you feel them," Xemnas stood up, forcing Axel away. With a sweep of his hand he hid the file under another, not realizing that Axel had already seen it. "The only other ridiculous solution is that you are growing a heart!"

"This is nothing but a waste of time! I'm out of here!" Axel shouted, trying to block out the sound of Xemnas's laugh. He wanted to know what was in the file, but he knew that he wasn't going to be allowed to just leaf through it at his will.

Without thinking, he headed towards Memory Tower, another one of Roxas's favorite haunts. He would tell him about the file. Roxas had always been better at planning things, maybe he could come up with a way to get it off of Xemnas's desk long enough for them to read it.

"Axel," Roxas said as soon as Axel walked in. He got close, but stayed a little bit farther away than normal, "I feel strange."

"Strange like what?" Axel stopped dead in his tracks, remembering his conversation just a few minutes before.

"Like I don't want to be away from you. If I had a heart, I think I would be in…"

"Don't say that Roxas!" Axel cut him off suddenly, knowing what he was about to say, "We don't have hearts, talking about them just makes it worse."

"So then, everything last night was what?" Roxas asked, trying to look Axel in the eye but the taller nobody refused to look down far enough.

"It wasn't anything, nothing even happened last night." He insisted, knowing that it was both a lie and the truth at the same time. He had to lie though, the full truth wasn't something that he could understand or accept. "I'm sorry Roxas."

"No you aren't, you cant be, remember?" The smaller nobody growled, pushing past Axel and storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Axel just looked at the door for a moment, trying to figure out everything that happened.

"Damn it! I'm so fucking stupid!" Axel yelled at the top of his lungs, allowing himself to collapse on the ground.

"Not saying that I don't agree," Demyx said, coming from another part of the tower, "But what happened?"

Axel looked up at Demyx. His eyes were filled with anger, a dangerous kind of anger that Demyx had never seen before. He tried to back away, but Axel was too quick. He was standing toe to toe with him before he even realized that Axel had moved.

"Nothing that a little violence wont fix," he smiled, arm wiping out and grabbing the front part of Demyx's coat, pulling him forward, not letting him run away.

**Well, that is it for this chapter. I'll tell you right now, this is going to be a short story, only 5 chapters long, and there WILL be a sequel which takes place after KH2. It will be called "Yet so Far" and will focus around Axel's feelings toward Roxas eventhough Roxas is part of Sora now. It will also contain some Riku/Sora. So anyway, keep reading this, even though it will be rather sort, and hopefull the sequel will come out less than a week after I finish chapter 5 of this story.**


	4. Chapter 4

Axel was disappointed to find himself standing on Xemnas's office for the second time that day. Demyx was whimpering in the corner, holding his burned arm and sitting carefully. Everything was bruised or broken, curdiest of Axel's rage. Every time Axel even looked over there, Demyx flinched, pleasing Axel very much.

Xemnas stood at the front of the room, pacing back and forth at the front of the office. He did not understand what had happened in the short time between Axel's visits. When he had left, he had been almost meek, very quiet. Now he was enraged and apt for violence, as Demyx had found out the hard way. He could hardly understand the dramatic change, but there had to be a reason. However, Xemnas wasn't sure he even wanted to know the reason.

"Axel…" Xemnas began, sighing deeply, "Why did you beat up Demyx?"

"He pissed me off." Axle said flatly.

"Sounds reasonable enough. Demyx, get yourself someone to clean you up. Axel, I'll decide your punishment later. You'll probably be cleaning up something or other." Xemnas said in a similar tone to Axel's. "No, leave my office, I have work to do."

They left the room together, waiting for something else to happen. Demyx was certain that Axel was going to pound him for getting in trouble, but Axel did not even look at him. He seemed too distracted by something, perhaps the fight with Roxas.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Demyx asked, taking his life in his own hands.

"Nothing you need to know about it." Axel sighed, turning down a hallway towards his room. He wished that he could tell someone, just to see what they thought if nothing else. He wished so bad that he had someone else he could confide in, but not Demyx. They had gotten in too many fights, there was no way that they could ever be anything but enemies. Even if they tried, a timid partnership was the closest that they would be able to come.

"Oh," Demyx's hopes dropped. He had hoped that if he could get Axel to confide in them things might change. He had always been a prime target for his rage, he just really didn't want to get it again.

"Tell you what, if things don't improve, maybe I'll tell you what's wrong." Axel said, trying to find some way to make the annoying nobody next to him calm down. No matter how bad it got, he would never talk to Demyx about his problems.

When he got in his room, he slammed the door as hard as he could and flopped down on his bed. He just wanted to wake up and find out that everything that had happened that day had been a horrible dream. He didn't want Roxas to be mad at him, he didn't want to be in trouble again, and he didn't want to be miserable. He wanted to be back at the tower, sitting with Roxas and watching the dusks move through the city below them. His mind kept drifting back to all of the times he had spent with Roxas, how comfortable they had been together.

After an hour he was certain that he wasn't going to be able to wake up and start the day anew. He moved to the edge of his bed and began to stand up, hating everything in his room. He hated the very air that was in his room for getting in his way. He pushed through the intrusive air and left his room. It was time for dinner.

Every dinner, Xemnas sat at the front of the table. Axel and Roxas sat all the way on the other end, Roxas right next to him. Demyx on Roxas's other side. Today, Axel sat in the same seat as always. Roxas had moved up close near Xemnas, purposefully avoiding his best friend.

Marluxia, who was greatly perturbed to see that his usual seat right next to Xemnas was taken, moved down to sit next to Axel. He couldn't decide just what he wanted to do. He could try annoying Axel into admitting what was wrong, but he had heard what had happened to Demyx. At first he hadn't believed it, but his absence from dinner confirmed the rumors. Then again, he could just sit quietly next to Axel, which might annoy him even more. Axel would just be waiting for Marluxia to say something, dreading the moment when he opened his mouth, at least that was how Marluxia saw it anyway. Axel, on the other hand, hardly even noticed his presence, he was so distracted by the fact hat Roxas was on the other end of the table.

Roxas looked back at him for a moment, infuriated by his very presence. He had trusted him, thought that it was possible that they had felt the same, but apparently not. He just needed to be away from him for a while, clear his head and get everything straightened out. Maybe afterwards they would still be able to be friends, but he doubted it.

As soon as everyone finished eating, Roxas followed Xemnas to his office before Axel could get a chance to talk to him. Even if Roxas was in there, Axel refused to enter that hell hole for the third time in one day. Instead, he waited outside, leaning on one of the walls.

"No, I didn't hear, what did he say?" Marluxia squawked, leaning in close to Larxena. Gossip whore, that was all the two of them were. Larxena was excusable, at least she was a girl, but Marluxia was just too nosy and was still half retarded.

"Well, you know how Roxas was sitting so close to Xemnas, and how he left right after dinner. There is a reason to that you know."

"Will you gossiping school girls go somewhere else! I'm sick of hearing your voices!" Axel shouted, not thinking.

"Well, it is about Roxas" Marluxia sneered, "I'm surprised that you don't want to know."

"Come on, lets go find somewhere else to talk," Larxena said holding her nose in the air.

"No, wait! I take it back! What is up with Roxas?" Axel jumped off of the wall, realizing his mistake. He needed to know more about the situation if he and Roxas were going to talk afterwards.

"He asked Xemnas for a mission, the longest one he had. Apparently there is someone here he wants to avoid. I wonder who that could be?" Larxena said looking directly at Axel.

"Maybe he hates people who talk about him." Axel retorted, knowing that she was right but not willing to admit it to her.

"Either way, you better talk to him soon. It sounds like this mission might be permanent." Larxena warned before turning away and taking Marluxia with her. Axel just made a face at them and went back to leaning on the wall.

There was no way that a mission could be permanent, it was nonsense, wasn't it? Even if it was possible, Xemnas would never give one of those missions to Roxas, he knew how Axel got when he wasn't around, how hard he became to control. No, he would never do that. Larxena had just been around Marluxia too long and had just proved that acting half retarded was contagious. Just incase though, he would ask Roxas as soon as he came out.

After an hour of standing there, the door opened. He was about to jump on Roxas but was surprised when only Xemnas stepped out. The superior explained that Roxas had used a dark portal to get back to his room, having known that Axel was standing out here waiting for him.

"Larxena is full of shit, isn't she? She said that the mission you are sending him on is permanent. Where the hell did she get that idea? Did someone smack her over the head too many times?" he tried to laugh, but nothing would come out.

"Larxena is very perceptive, isn't she?" Was all that Xemnas said before opening a dark portal and leaving Axel there standing by himself.

"No!" He shouted, opening up his own portal and rushing into Roxas's room. "Roxas! What are you doing? He said that this mission is permanent. If you leave, I'll never see you again."

"What would that matter to you?" Roxas asked, pulling numerous black cloaks out of his closet and putting them inside a suitcase.

"Huh?" Was all that Axel could manage.

"You aren't going to miss me. Longing for someone is a feeling, but you cant feel anything, remember?" Roxas sneered shoving the last cloak into the suitcase.

"No!" Axel said, pushing his hands away from the suitcase, "Stop packing, you aren't going! I know what I said, but I was wrong! Give me some time."

"Move." Roxas demanded, getting out his keyblades and dropping that final cloak to the ground.

"Roxas, please, Roxas! What I said was stupid, but don't leave just because I said something dumb." He moved to the bed, reaching out for one of Roxas's hands, trying to get him to join him. "Xemnas, he screwed me up. He made me look at things his way, the official way, rather than what I thought about them. He told me that everything was in my head, I should never have believed him." Axel didnt care how he looked. Pride and dignaty were usless to him if he didn't have Roxas by his side.

"Well you did and it's too late now." Roxas put away they keyblades and picked up the cloak, dusting off the dirt. "I'm leaving tomorrow morning. If you have anything else to say, you had better say it by then."

Axel nodded and left the room, not able to lift up his head. He hurt worse than he ever had in his life, but this was not a physical pain. It felt like someone had jabbed a knife into where his heart had been, but even when he checked under his cloak there was no wound.

**Alright, only one more chapter to go folks, so you know the drill, review and what not.**


	5. Chapter 5

"Hey, Axel," Demyx said softly, snapping him out of his trance, "Those problems get any better?"

Axel looked up into Demyx's eyes. There was no insult there, only concern. Maybe he had jumped to conclusions too quickly, maybe Demyx wasn't so bad.

"Not the least bit," he answered truthfully, looking back down at the floor. An arm reached around his shoulder, he didn't need to look to tell that it was Demyx's. He guided Axel down several hallways until they reached Demyx's room, that way no one could listen in.

Axel looked around for a moment before taking a seat on one of the plush chairs. Where as his own room was decorated with warm colors, Demyx seemed to have chosen cool colors. His bedspread was decorated with a picture of penguins on ice sliding into the arctic water. His walls, although white, did not stand out so much because most of them had furniture shoved against them, including several fish tanks. The largest one caught his attention.

"Those are my angel fish," Demyx explained, seeing that they had caught Axel's attention. "They aren't very easy to care for, but they aren't as hard as some others."

"What would you do if something happened to them?" Axel asked, watching the fish swim mindlessly back and forth.

"I've had some of them die already, it isn't fun at all. I've never really thought about it though. I guess it hurts some." Demyx sat on his bed, covering up one of the penguins in the process. "Why do you ask."

"I think I'm about to lose something that I care about." Axel said truthfully. "And whenever I even think about it, it feels awful. I don't know what to do."

Demyx sighed deeply, trying to understand. Something deep inside him knew what the problem was, but it was buried so deep that he could not understand what it was. The more he thought about it, the deeper it hid. He imagined loosing all of his fish at once, maybe then he would feel the same, but he didn't. He only reasoned that he could go out and buy more fish. Whatever Axel was going to lose was not replaceable.

"And if he leaves…"Axel's chest became heavy, something was weighing him down from inside, "I don't know what I'll do without him."

"Axel, I don't think I am the one you should be telling this to." Demyx said, standing up and placing an arm on Axel's shoulder.

"I already told Xemnas, that was a huge mistake!" He scoffed, standing up and pacing a small circle in the tiny amount of free space on Demyx's room.

"No, not him. You should talk to Roxas." Demyx looked down at the ground.

"He wont listen!" Axel shouted, whipping his body around and accidentally hitting Demyx with one of his arms. The injured nobody cringed, gripping his ill bandaged wound, "Shit! Demyx, I'm sorry!"

"Its alright," he lied, moving back to his bed. He had gotten Xaldin to bandage his wounds, a huge mistake, but he had been the only one around. They were now falling down and weren't doing him a whole lot of good.

"Take off your cloak, I know how to take care of burns." Axel said before walking into the bathroom. They all had first aid kits in there, he assumed that Demyx would be no different.

"I thought that you were only good at causing them." Demyx said, following his orders.

"Yeah, well you didn't start off knowing how to make the water do whatever the hell you wanted, now did you?" Axel laughed some, appearing from the bathroom with a first aid kit in hand. "First few hundred burns I caused were on my own body."

"Ouch," Demyx bit his lip, just thinking about it. The most he had to worry about if he screwed up while using his powers was making a puddle on the floor. He hadn't thought about what would happen if any of the others had messed up.

Less than an hour later, Demyx was all bandaged up and feeling better already. He had become, however, very tired and had almost fallen asleep half way through the bandaging. Axel knew from experience that this was a side effect of the special burn ointment that Xemnas had designed specifically for nobodies, or he took the credit for designing it anyway.

"lets get you in bed," Axel said, pulling back the covers. He helped Demyx climb in and even pulled the covers over him. He was about to turn the light off and leave when Demyx said something that he would only realize the importance of later.

"Axel, you have a good heart, thank you." Demyx muttered, half asleep. Axel just nodded, not even thinking about what Demyx had said. His head still buzzed with thoughts of Roxas.

When he got to his room, he was still thinking of Roxas as he climbed into bed. Even as his mind drifted to sleep, he could not get him out of his head. The smaller nobody was even in his dreams.

Roxas sat there, on top of the tower as he had done so many times before. As always, Axel walked in the door. Roxas looked at him and smiled, standing up and moving away from the ledge. He held out his hand, waiting for Axel to take it. Axel reached out, but his own arm was too short. He took a step forward, but he couldn't seem to get closer. He looked at Roxas, pleading.

"Axel," He said, his voice echoing as though they were in a small room rather than the vastness of the outdoors. "Trust your heart."

"We don't have hearts," Axel reasoned, taking another step forward but still not getting any closer.

"Then trust in what you feel."

Axel stopped for a moment. What did he feel. He was scared, scared to think that he might not see Roxas again. He was excited to be so close, but he was angry that something was preventing him from getting any closer. There were so many emotions that he was not meant to have, ones that he was feeling right then. For once, he didn't push them aside. He believed in them. He wasn't pretending to be scared, excited, or angry, he actually felt these things.

He took another step, followed by another. Each step brought him closer to Roxas. He smiled, he was so close. One more step and he would be with Roxas again. He took that final step, but nothing happened. Roxas was still on step away. He tried running, but he couldn't get any closer.

"Axel, there is still something that you are hiding."

They were so close that Axel could almost touch him. This walking thing was not working. Axel paused for a moment. He jumped towards Roxas, reaching out for him as he did. His eyes widened as, instead of colliding with him, Axel flew through Roxas as though he were nothing but air. He tumbled over the railing of the tower, down into the darkness. When he looked up, all that he saw was Roxas standing there, looking over the edge, disappointment etched into his face.

Axel woke up with a start, his entire body was trembling. He looked around his room, searching for anything that was different, but everything was the same as it had been the night before. He calmed down, it had only been a dream, probably a side effect from that disgusting burn solution that he had been rubbing into Demyx's arm the night before.His eyes glanced over to the clock and he jumped out of bed. It was 10:00 already!

"Roxas!" he shouted, jumping out of bed. He ran through the halls, not caring that he was passing everyone in nothing but his boxers. This was more important than his pride.

"Axel," Demyx called out, flagging him down. "It's too late."

"What?" Axel asked, stopping in his tracks.

"They…They took away all of Roxas's memories. They want to put him and Sora back together." Demyx looked away, "I'm sorry."

"No!" Axel just looked forward. He felt like he was about to be sick, this couldn't be happening. He had woken up too late, now he would never get to tell Roxas.

Several days later, Axel came out of his room. Xemnas had offered to allow him to see Roxas one last time. Axel had thought that he had gotten a second chance, but it turned out to be nothing more than a slap in the face. Everything that Demyx said had been true. Roxas did not remember who he was, didn't remember why they had been special. He tried to reach out to him, but only ended up hurting himself more.

The day that the final merging was going to take place, Demyx offered to do something that had been strictly forbidden. He offered to take Axel to where Sora was being kept. Axel didn't even want to think about the punishment that they would both receive if anyone ever found out about this.

As he looked at Sora, he knew that he could see Roxas inside of him. He knew that if the boy opened his eyes, they would be the same. They would sparkle the same way that Roxas's had when he laughed at one of Axel's pathetic pranks. They would whimper the same way that Roxas's had when Siax accidentally knocked him into Marluxia's prized rosebush. But he knew that they could never hold the warmth that Roxas's had held whenever he looked at Axel.

"Roxas," Axel whispered, not caring that Demyx was still in the room, "I love you.

He leaned in and pressed his lips against the glass. His legs gave out from under him, sobs coursed through his body, not even noticing when Demyx came to help him away.

Up in his office, Xemnas drew out that file with Roxas and Axel's names on it, writing "failure" on the top of it. It was impossible for a nobody to grow a heart, this researched had proved it to him. Kingdom Hearts was their last hope.

**The first chapter of the sequel to this, "Yet so Far" has been posted. Check it out, the pace wont be as rushed as this one was.**


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